Do Vs. Be, and how does Have come into it all?

Screen Shot 2013-10-23 at 5.20.12 PMOnce in awhile we, as travelers through this human experience, run across one of those paradigm shifting, perspective changing events, or bits of information, that are so fundamental that, once experienced you go…..”man that’s so simple.  But it changes everything.  But, man, that’s so simple….so why haven’t I thought of it before?”

OK, maybe that’s just me talking to my Self, but I’m betting it’s you too.  At least sometimes.

Maybe this blog post can be one of those times, one of those bits of information, for you today.

Many years ago I had a discussion with a mentor, sort of a guru in his own right, who explained to me that most people in America tend to think in terms of Do–Have–Be.  That is, what you DO allows you to HAVE (stuff, prestige, status, etc.), and what you DO and HAVE defines who you BE (OK, “ARE” for the grammatically correct).

He went on to explain that the way it really works, in the sight of God and from a higher soul perspective, is that you BE (and who you are is a unique blessing to this world and your gifts and talents are part of who you are) and then let what you DO flow from who you ARE, and as an outcome of this, you will inevitably bring value to the world and you will therefore HAVE what you need as a result.

And I agree. Much (most? all?) of the anxiety in our society is caused by “pushing the river,” trying to DO things that are:

A. Not right for who you are and you’re really trying to change who you are to please someone else. (And this is probably happening at a subconscious level, not with intention.)

B. Not right for who you are AT THIS TIME in your life and you need to develop your gifts and talents in order to BE ready for that long term desire (e.g., there are no short cuts).

So it gets back to getting in touch with the BE-ness of you. Not in a selfish way but in an aware way.

So as I was working through this with a client the other day, it occurred to me that even THIS model, good as it is, and instructive as it is, still pits DO against BE. Then it dawned on me.

Screen Shot 2013-10-23 at 4.54.58 PMThey aren’t opposites and they aren’t mutually exclusive.  You don’t either DO or BE, they are inseparable.

The Kabbala says that light and dark are not different from one another, but points along a continuum. Different aspects of the same truth.  You cannot have the light without the dark, nor the dark without the light.

Most of us believe when we turn on the lights in a room, the darkness “goes away.” That it CEASES to be dark.  Not so.  In fact the room is still dark, and the light waves are streaming through that darkness and our perception changes.

Likewise when you DO you do not cease your BEING, but you let your BEING flow through your actions.  In this way, you will be congruent, and live an authentic life.

So, yeah that’s great Cindy. How exactly do we get there?

As with all change it begins with awareness. Becoming more deeply aware of WHO you ARE and why you do things the way you do them.  Internalizing the concept that YOU ARE ENOUGH while at the same time holding that you CAN BE MORE.

I’ve gotten a LOT of mileage in this area (and been amazed by the insights my clients have received) through a tool many of you may be familiar with from your Human Resources department, the DiSC profile. We’re offering this now to our clients as a way to help them deeply understand what motivates “that behavior you’ve always been compelled to do but have never understood.” And to learn how to develop yourself so that you can BE more, in the way that’s right for you while at the same time internalizing the concept that who you are is just as good as any other way and at the same time, is the absolute best way of being for YOU.

So many “self improvement” programs out there are perfect — for the person who wrote the program.  By using the DiSC profile, now every client has the perfect self improvement program FOR THEM. Totally custom.

If you want to participate and experience it, let me know or find someone who does hypnocoaching along with DiSC (there aren’t many in the country).  If you go elsewhere BE SURE of what you’re getting, though, there are lots of different versions of the DiSC analysis and most aren’t complete enough to provide the insight that we’re seeing have such transformative effects.

Be the best you,


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